reverberate

February Prompt - One month into 2011, what question(s) are you living? Are there any prompts/questions that arose during #reverb10 that are still resonating in your life? Are you living new questions?

Much to my chagrin, I think the primary thing I'm still living in from December is that I am sick yet again. I was sick twice in December (once toward the beginning, then again during the holidays), again in January when I quit smoking (my sinuses became so infected that I got pink eye--yes, really), and now, once more, in February. WILL IT EVER END? I miss being able to breathe out of my nose on a regular basis. The irony? I've been healthier in the past few months than I have been in years. Like I said, I quit smoking! I've been eating healthy! Going to yoga regularly and trying to overcome the deepseated, irrational rush of hatred that seeps through my being every time I try to go running. Ugh!

One of the wonderful things about Reverb10 is that it actually encouraged me to acknowledge and release a lot of the subjects that came up. There were people and experiences I talked about during the course of R10 that I've since released. At the very least: I let go of the negativity. The anger, the hurt, the rejection, the loss (the smoking! I still cave occasionally, but generally speaking). All that want from last year? I managed to let that want out with the cat.

Also, as the third anniversary of my father's death approaches, I continue to live the healing that came to me last year. I'm going on the wagon again come March 1st, and I'm looking forward to it. I'm also moving in March to my own studio, and I'm looking forward to pulling out the dishes he left me. I plan to use them, despite being desperately afraid of them breaking. What's the point in having nice things if you don't use them? I don't want them to sit in a box forever. These are things. Part of healing is letting go of the fear. I'm ready.

As much as I bitched about the R10 prompts, when I look back on them I'm glad that I participated, and I'm proud for sticking with it and completing all of them (even if I was a curmudgeon about it). I'm so inspired by the people that I met (and have stayed in touch with), and I'm inspired to blog more than I have before. What is more: it has given me the confidence and encouragement to keep writing, even when I am afraid.

The new questions I'm living: How is this year going to be better than before? How am I going to build on all those lessons learned? Where am I going to go this year that's going to change me? How can I maintain the community I've built and continue to develop it? How can I carve out the time and courage to use this gift to its fullest? What experiences can I create so that I, someday, can answer this question?

We'll see.

This blog post is my contribution to Reverb, an online initiative to reflect on the past and manifest the future.